so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I forget how to act sober
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
