remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
