I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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