I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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