do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
