how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
