hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
