i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
