After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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