So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
