I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
