i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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