Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
