Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
