a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
