New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
