You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
