Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
