Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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