If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
