How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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