he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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