I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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