its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
