Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
