Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
