what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
