Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
