is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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