When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
