A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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