Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
