Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
