You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
