wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he thought i was a dude.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
