I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
