Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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