I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize