Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize