No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
