Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
