I just cut my nipple shaving
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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