i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
