I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ladies don't puke and tell
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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