before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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