She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
