the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have already put on my inside pants.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
