I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
