If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
birth control should be required to get into college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
