yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
