There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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