I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
