that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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