Will you blow on my dice?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
