the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
