If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
