Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
