Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
