best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
