dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Plan B is the new Plan A
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
