All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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