we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
