i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
