i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
