So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
