i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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