So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
