I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
