I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
