I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
