Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
