it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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