Yo dont text me then not text me
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I had to cum in my sink.
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