its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize