I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
