Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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