My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
