just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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