This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
