bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.