mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me