we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.