shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
