We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.