Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

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(956): View more from Texas

Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.

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(858): View more from California

I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(402): View more from Nebraska

Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom

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(469): View more from Texas

I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?

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(425): View more from Washington

Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.

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