I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
